Story 1 by Derek. Story 2 started by Derek and finished by Duncan.

Story 1:

The papal blessing hadn't gone well. Pope Bob slumped in his comfy recliner, letting out a sigh of despair. He went over the blessing again in his mind, wondering where it went wrong. "Tea Vicar?" chirped the voice of Doris, his live in maid and companion.

"It's Pope, Doris." He moaned a correction

"Silly me, always get the two mixed up."

"That's okay, thank you for your kindness." She was a little advanced in years so it was forgivable "I've been running through the blessing again, Doris." He sipped his tea, frowned a little, she had forgotten the sugar again "What do you think went wrong?"

"Well," She said as he put some sugar into the cup "If you ask me, it was probably.. well I don't mean to be rude.." She paused, hesitant of criticising

"Go on" He urged

"Well it was probably the oven gloves that were a bit inappropriate."



Story 2:*

Maggie found herself in a bit of a bind. She could go to the local Police station or forget about the whole thing and go home. Of course the right thing to do was obvious, but that had never troubled her in the past. It may be the public conception of the right thing, but not hers. For now she continued walking down the dark alley, Tesco carrier gripped firmly in hand, grinding her teeth in thought.
Pausing under a small street lamp, she opened the bag, inspecting the weighty contents within. Stark under that bright white lamplight her problem was far too clear. Quickly taking both handles into one hand, she again quickened off down the alley.
'Why are these things always happening to me?' she thought, running her hand through her messy locks in her consternation. Philip had told her many times that she was a magnet for such things, though never had she thought she would get into a situation like this one. Still, it will make quite a story in the future. She pressed on, chewing her lip as she went.
She stopped off at a 24-hour chemist and compulsively purchased four boxes of Nurofen, only half aware that swallowing one could possibly remove the headache she was beginning to develop. Struggling with her wallet, Maggie put down the carrier bag. It made a little splot sound and the young girl behind the counter couldn't avoid flicking her eyes towards it.
"Do you stock Redeptin?" Maggie monotoned. "Or Dozic or something?"
"Uh, " the girl glanced back up. "Do you have a prescription for those?"
"Nevermind."
Maggie paid and immediately took two pills, swooshing up spittle in her mouth to annoy Phillip until she remembered he wasn't present. She wandered out of the shop, mulling over her route back to the apartment and more importantly the kitchen. She detoured towards the river in order to avoid that street. Upon seeing the brown river-water slop against the concrete bank she slowed down, confused. Still chewing her lip, she looked down at her empty hands. 'I haven't got the bag anymore.' she realised, but it was a full three minutes before her stomach began to knot up.