(Down at the coal face Fred and Bill are talking)

Fred: Eee I dunno. Eh, Bill?

Bill: I dunno either Fred.

Fred: Erm. What do we dunno about?

Bill: I dunno. It's just in the script innit?

Fred: You tell me.

Bill: Tell you what?

Fred: Shutup or I'll bury your Wotsits.

Bill: You won't touch my Wotsits!

Fred: Just you watch me!

Bill: OI! GERROFF!

(Bill and Fred start fighting each other with machinery)


(Back at home)

Rory: Er is this the right way for Australia?

Marge: Who are you?

Rory: Rory.

Marge: Rory who?

Rory: The Rory in the script. Here (rustling noises as script it brought out)

Marge: Coo. That Rory.

Rory: Yep that's me. According to the script you now go and get a machine gun and shoot the telly.

Marge: (DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA [machine gun fire]) It's right you know. How clever. Let's have a read.

(Marge and Rory read the script together)


Duncan: Ere. How did I get here? (He is stood in a larger white empty room) I don't remember coming in. Oh well I'll go now.

(he walks through a wall)


Madge: Helen you ought to go out and do something more interesting for a change.

Helen: But Madge, I'm too old.

Madge: You're not too old.

Helen: So you don't think that 503 is too old?

Madge: No.

Helen: Well take this (Helen pulls a large gun out of her pocket) (BOOM)

Madge: AARRGH! (She splats all over the room)

Paul: What's all this noise? Oh Helen, you've done it again. How many times do you need to be told not to blast the neighbours? Soon we won't have any left.

Helen: Good! (BOOM)

Paul: ARGH

Rory: Ello

Dog: Wuf

Cat: Meow

Dog: Wuf wuf

Cat: Meow meow

Dog: Wuf wuf wuf

Cat: Meow meow meow

(this continues for ages until the credits appear. Right I'm off ome now. Tara!)

By Derek Williams

---

Come to think of it, I think there was one which was done on A4 line paper. I may have it here somewhere. Still anyway this was the follow up to some rather dull work we did in English at school.
We had to read an incredibly dull book about coal miners in the North and their grim and tedious lives. This is crap, but considerably better than that book. Oh and before I forget. It's from Doodle Book 3 -Derek